Due to the excessive Florida heat, not showering, and Laurel’s infected roast beef Aaron has been diagnosed with Stachybotrys chartarum on his balls. This is a potentially fatal form of mold that is probably the cause of Aaron’s respiratory problems. He’s known to go balls to mouth, or balls to nose, or balls to eye. Hell, he even cut a hole in his shorts so he has direct access for his talons to claw at his nuts because the mold makes him so itchy.
Momma K has said that Aaron had nut surgery on his undescended testicle at the age of 12 and that the doctor said he might have issues with mold in the future. We need to make sure the Wizzard sees a doctor ASAP because magic isn’t going to save him this time. Please remind Aaron that nut mold is a serious issue and he might die if it is left untreated. Laurel needs to douche as much as she eats as well. Which is around 48 times daily (16 meals * 3 courses for each meal = 48 douching sessions). We’ve all trolled the Wizzard, but now it’s time to save his life. Operators are standing by, please call 727-439-1139 or 727-290-5477 to save Aaron’s balls today.